i no longer hear the music.

why can't i be you?

2006-11-02T14:57:00.000Z

You're so gorgeous I'll do anything!
I'll kiss you from your feet
To where your head begins!
You're so perfect!
You're so right as rain!
You make me
Make me hungry again

Everything you do is irresistible
Everything you do is simply kissable
Why can't I be you?

I'll run around in circles
'Til I run out of breath
I'll eat you all up
Or I'll just hug you to death
You're so wonderful!
Too good to be true!
You make me
Make me hungry for you

Everything you do is simply delicate
Everything you do is quite angelicate
Why can't I be you?

You turn my head when you turn around
You turn the whole world upside down
I'm smitten I'm bitten I'm hooked I'm cooked
I'm stuck like glue!
You make me
Make me hungry for you

Everything you do is simply dreamy
Everything you do is quite delicious
Why can't I be you?
Why can't I be you?
Why can't I be you?

You're simply elegant!

death is a midnight runner

2006-10-27T06:41:00.000+01:00

just a couple of extremely random thoughts because i'm bored out of my mind and i cannot breathe through my right nostril.

firstly, i just want to say that afi blow my mind. but everyone probably already knew that. i love them so much i'd die for them. seriously.

a shot from his love like winter video. incredible song. abso-fuckin-lutely amazing live.

oooh there he is again.. in his full glory. he makes me so excited i think i could die.

enough about afi.. time for more random stuff! oooh i can breathe through my right nostril again!!

a hardcore banksy fan.. i can't believe hettie's going to his exhibition!! grr.. his art is just so awesome.

i love those shoes. seriously. would kill to own them. or have legs like those models. either way >=)

almost famous. quite possibly the best film ever. if you haven't watched it, you're missing out. I DIG DRUGS!! haha billy crudup rocks my world.

if i can't be davey havok, i'm going to be shirley manson. a bit hard because she's so incredibly amazing, so i think i'll just settle with idolising her. the coolest lady in rock n roll history i reckon.

i know the model's ugly but i love that dress for some really, really odd reason.. i think it's so great. alberta ferretti all the way!!

omg. NEWSFLASH!!! benji madden has got hot?!?! like seriously.. look at the boy!! i could not believe my eyes when i saw that picture. NIN all the way dude ;)

i thought brett anderson, the other love of my life, looked a lot like davey in that picture.. maybe it's the hair.. haha

ok so that was a really random entry and now i can't breathe through my left nostril. this is so utterly depressing.

it was teri (and liz)'s birthday yesterday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRLS!! haha have an amazing 16th birthday.. you are now legal to carry a chainsaw and drive a tractor should you have the sudden urge to =)

albums of the week:

this is where art punk all began i reckon.. and this album just puts me in such a good mood. the feel's great and my favourite track on it is marquee moon. goes well on a playlist with joy division's substance.

YES YES YES. i love this fucking album. best track is ignition i reckon. totally has a motley crue glam feel to it.. such a change from their metallica days.. i reckon they're growing up =) aww..

videos of the week:

afi - days of the phoenix live in orlando:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=v6JnNVopRlc

afi - just like heaven, cover of the cure:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=d0FmfAdvhI8

OMG thing of the week:

go to goodcharlotte.com and check out their new song out.. keep your hands off my girl.. YUCK!?!?!?! ..but benji's hot so i forgive him. the rest of them have no excuse?!?!?

...that's all the babbling from me, folks. thank you very much and good night!!

xxxpeace

this time imperfect

2006-10-27T06:38:00.000+01:00

We held hands on the last night on earth.
Our mouths filled with dust, we kissed in the fields and under trees,
screaming like dogs, bleeding dark into the leaves.
It was empty on the edge of town but we knew everyone floated
along the bottom of the river.
So we walked through the waste where the road curved into the sea
and the shattered seasons lay,
and the bitter smell of burning was on you like a disease.
In our cancer of passion you said, "Death is a midnight runner."
The sky had come crashing down like the news of an intimate suicide.
We picked up the shards and formed them into shapes
of stars that wore like an antique wedding dress.
The echoes of the past broke the hearts of the unborn
as the ferris wheel silently slowed to a stop.
The few insects skittered away in hopes of a better pastime.
I kissed you at the apex of the maelstrom and asked
if you would accompany me in a quick fall,
but you made me realize that my ticket wasn't for two.
I rode alone.
You said, "The cinders are falling like snow."
There is poetry in despair, and we sang with unrivaled beauty,
bitter elegies of savagery and eloquence.
Of blue and grey.
Strange, we ran down desperate streets and carved our names in the flesh of the city.
The sun was stagnated somewhere beyond the rim of the horizon
and the darkness is a mystery of curves and lines.
Still, we lay under the emptiness and drifted slowly outward,
and somewhere in the wilderness we found salvation scratched
into the earth like a message.

pictures!

2006-09-11T10:39:00.000+01:00

i went over to st mags to visit everyone and we had the silliest time ever. i love you guys! xxx

tamsin ma. very likely to be the silliest person in the world.

liza looks dead and i just look extremely enthusiastic. hehe

yep that's me posing with the silliest person in the world.

fish face!

super kawaii.. that means super cute in japanese! love you livi!

i told you i had the silliest time ever. god i love those kids xxx

i love everyone! ..i hope everyone loves me =S

2006-09-09T09:24:00.000+01:00

hey all! it's been about a century since i last updated my blog but now i really have nothing better to do so here i am :)
it's the first weekend back from school and i'm already missing everyone so much. maybe it's because we didn't really get to hang out seeing as most of them had exams and stuff. but thanks nat, teri and ningles for letting me tag along for the study sessions! i probably distracted you guys and irritated the hell out of you but at least i finished wide sargasso sea! haha and according to my teacher i rock at it. except she of course added some bigger fancier words. but i got the gist of it ;) she digs me. hehe

natt: i miss you so much and i was so upset the night you were upset! i really hope everything gets better babe and we'll talk about it more when i get back ok? you're my favourite girl and don't you know it ;)
teri: hohoho you should be proud of yourself gurl.. you got me out of bed at noon! which is, you are right, a serious achievement! haha study hard or you're gonna end up working in some factory as a manual labourer ok. then what will i do with you!! even grace won't want to be your friend!! hahaha
ningles:...oh what fun it is to ride on ningle bells today, hey! i love you even though you're a little communist munchkin, babe. haha after all, blood runs thicker than the calligraphy ink you use to paint those banners promoting your communist ideals!! breakfast ok! we must make it to breakfast! i shall not settle for lunch or even brunch. must..have..breakfast!!
liz: yeesh girl you're really something else i swear. i'll be missing your bad jokes which no one gets and your crazy antics. have tons of fun with patrick now he's back yeah! now i know how you suffer when he's gone. i feel your pain, babe.. i really do.
lynn: lyn baby! i cannot wait till december till we can actually party! you too have tons of fun with adi, yeah! god what is it with us and long distance relationships! haha thanks so much for the beer that night.. i think i've still got a bottle in my fridge. haha! study real hard so we can party real hard in december ok? and don't worry about that stupid girl who talks big. you know the one i'm talking about ;) we'll come up with something when i get back. love you!
nick, joel and joel: sigh you guys don't even read my blog but just in case you accuse me of having forgotten you guys or something, this is just to say i know i'm really mean to you guys at times but it really is because i think you guys are the funniest thing to ever hit planet earth. the icing on top of the cake is that you guys are always being dead serious! haha you probably won't miss me but i miss you guys!!
sarah and katie: god you guys really won't read my blog but i love you guys so much! sarah, i'm emailing you like twice a day which is further proof of my love, and katie! i was so touched when i got your sms when i landed in the uk! god, you were like the only text i got! i love you! can't wait to see you in december!!

i reckon that's about everyone covered, really.. haha and it was really good to see all the other guys at krunk too! love you all!

hey dear.. i just want to say that i'm missing you a lot. but you probably already know that! haha 143 baby!

143

2006-09-08T18:39:00.000+01:00

those three words,
are said too much.
they're not enough. if i lay here. if i just lay here.
would you lie with me?
and just forget the world.

forget what we're told,
before we get too old,
show me a garden that's bursting into life.

all that I am,
all that I ever was
is here in your perfect eyes
they're all I can see.

i don't know where
confused about how as well,
i just know that these things
will never change for us at all.

teehee thursday

2006-04-22T16:24:00.000+01:00

hey guys this is from thursday. i'm killing everyone with picture overload.. heehee i've just discovered the joys of taking a lot of stupid pictures and putting it up for people to snigger at. and i have ellen and georgie to thank for that.. they have liberated me from my hatred of pictures. wheee i'm a bird. ok so on thursday i woke up, rolled out of bed, attempted to untangle my rat's tail, chucked on the first things i saw and headed over to the trampoline competition. didn't stay they for long. walked for a bit with lez, then met up with nat and lynette. time for island creamery!! teehee god i love that place. then we cafe-hopped down to mcdonalds being the pigs that we are where lynette couldn't get enough corn. so frickin' funny! she had like the corn cup shit and the apple stuff.. haha go figure. it was fun. then we headed down to my place.. mucked around on the one and only hello kitty guitar and then we split. rock on.

heehee lyn and me at island creamery.. looking goood with that ice cream, girl! damn i'm gonna miss that rat's tail..

good ol' naaaaattums and me.. love you nat! you da bomb.

...yep. 'nuff said. *snigger* NOW i know where nat gets her fat fingers from.. time for a diet, missy! whip them fingers in shape! hahaha

that look of deep awe as lynette tucks into her corn cup is absolutely priceless. damn that girl loves her corn!

awww i'm gonna miss you guys SO much when i go back! love you naaaat!! love you lyn!!

i know this is frickin' random, but since we're talking about loved ones, i gotta give frank a special mention.. LOVE YOU FRANK! you da hottest damn dude around, dawg.. hehe ;) xxxx

we love frank! we love frank! heehee

******************************************************************************************************************

went to indochine last night with clarissa and lyn.. haha stupid american tourists were the only ones dancing to the rubbish music. the live band came on, and there were like two guitarists. one of them looked pretty cool and comfortable with the guitar, and the other one was chubby-ish and totally uncool. but when they got started, the chubby one was playing the meanest guitar riffs! and mr cool was played at most.. 3 notes.. like the entire fecking song!! hahahaha! so funny. it was alright i guess.. pretty fun. haha before that we had the crappiest chicken rice at food republic at wisma. poor liz was so disappointed.. eh-hehe ;)

ok, i gotta run. this is my last update in singapore.. love you guys!! love you all so much!! and check you guys in july.. peace.

eh-hehe

2006-04-22T11:58:00.000+01:00

hey guys! so this is part 2 of the whole ellen-and-georgie-came-to-singapore-and-took-a-lot-of-pictures thing. enjoy.

yep. that's us on the bus *shudder* you heard me right. the B.U.S.

aww.. they look soooo cute there i could pinch their cheeks off and gouge their eyeballs out =)

damn.. that's us at the airport.. saying goodbye and shit.

yeah! dudes if you look hard enough, you can see the indian dude in the background crouched over a table connected to the pillar thing. YES. that's the culprit. the one who chucked my motley crue cd into the GARBAGE...!!!

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

well it's saturday and i'm leaving for school tomorrow.. so depressing. i had an alright day today.. drank a lot, a lot of milk at mos burger. damn, their milk bottles are SO cute! lynette only had one. *wimp!* nick had two.. and i had 3!! yep. six milk bottle things altogether. i was all ready to go to sleep after that seriously.

i went to see ricky the pig at the hospital. i can't believe i'm actually gonna say this but i LOVE that dog!! he's soooo cute! and i felt so sorry for him when i saw him! like his leg had been completely shaved and there were stitched all the way up.. it looked really, really scary. my mum was spazzing out last night because the pig might have cancer. sighh.. i swear. i can predict how the world is gonna end. we're all gonna die of cancer. simple.

mark my words, bitches!

hung out with nat, teri, liz, lynette, nick and clarissa today. had lunch at pepper lunch. 5 hours later and i can still frickin' feel it in my stomach. ick.

i'm gonna miss you guys SO much when i go!! i loooove you guys soooo much!

and lez: sorry we couldn't hang out more this holiday.. and when i next come back you'll be buckling down to your o levels.. but we'll catch up sometime alright! i promise! love you loads!

peace out homies
xxxrozxxx

the dithering idiots hit singapore

2006-04-19T14:16:00.000+01:00

hey all! here are a couple of pictures courtesy of ellen:

here's nat, pei and i seeing the two twits off at the airport. kidding guys, love you guys loads. miss them being here in singapore!

aww.. look at them. georgie and ellen by the pool.
fuck we look messed up that. we're not very attractive, are we nat : )

yep. that's the whole gang just doing our thang outside shaw. heehee

*************************************************************************************************************************
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ok, so there was a picture here of nat sleeping and drooling, but because nat threatened to post a VERY unflattering picture of me getting my hair done, i had to take it down. damn herrr!! but trust me, it was SUCH a good picture.
*************************************************************************************************************************

ohhkayyy.. another very attractive one of our dear nattums. elles's really got it in for you nat!

just us doing our touristy thing.. getting frickin' henna tattoos in little india..!! i must admit.. they are really cool.

the whole gang after keeping mum. world's weirdest show. jia and i missed the last bit of it.. heehee bladder issues.

that's 3/4s of the cupcakes before the $50 worth of macs came. pigs. *snigger*
pei, the twits and tamsin. i'm taking the picture of those fecking tourists.

it was a wicked week. i had such a great time. love you guys sooo much elles and georgie!! see you in england!! xxx

i am fun. ..right?

2006-04-16T09:57:00.000+01:00

great. georgie and ellen have gone back to england.. who's gonna be there to wake me up at unearthly hours and drag me everywhere to do touristy things which are actually oddly liberating!? haha i had an awesome week with them. i did more in that week that i've done over the past few years of my life, i swear. they met with nat, teri, sarah, ning and a whole bunch of other people and couldn't get enough of them. i swear, all i heard from those two was "your friends ROCK!!", "your friends are soooo awesome!!", "your friends are so, so, so funn!!".. it's like come ON, i'm cool too!! ..right? ..right? *crickets chirping*
damn.

on thursday we went for that stupid masquerade party at coco latte. pity that whole idea fell apart 5 minutes into the party. no one was wearing masks except one or two bewildered boys with shiny pink cardboard strips across their faces. i won't say anymore. those poor dears clearly thought they were being extremely cool.
i was limited to 2 cigarettes that night, courtesy of sarah, teri and nat so i just drank quite a lot. i wasn't drunk, but i was definitely tipsy. i can't even remember half the things i said and did. oh well. the music sucked big time and the excuse the dj gave was that there weren't enough songs. rrright. i'm never hiring that dj if i throw a party, i'll guarantee you that much. heehee
my feet are still sore from the killer heels i was wearing. godd, never again. i walked SO much in them i swear they turned blue with bruises.

watched reincarnation last night. it was crap. bleaghh. there were bits where it was so boring i nearly cried. but to be fair, there were pretty shocking bits. the doll in it was some freaky ass doll i'll tell you that much. i want one of those!

my tan line's pretty much gone thanks to nat's insistence that i changed into clarissa's bikini top. thanks naat! so i'm happy again. i'm going through one of my moods now where everything's getting me down and i feel like killing myself. oh well. i guess i'll just go listen to nirvana and be angry.

highlight of the day: i learnt guitar solo riff for holiday by green day. it's frickin easy but shuddup. i'm experiencing a tremendous sense of self accomplishment, yo.

naaat! i LOVE your yo momma jokes on your blog! frickin' funny!
sarah! if i don't see you before i go have a fab flight and good luck with your gcse's!
teri! i hope your tanlines fade!
clarissa! you don't even read my blog!
ning! neither do you!

ok.. so i'm gonna run now. see you guys!

the world kicked back

2006-03-30T06:21:00.000+01:00

don't teach me a lesson, cause i've already learned,
the sun will be shining and my children will burn.
oh the heart beats in its cage.

i spent most of last night painting the blinds in my room with the lyrics for heart in a cage by the strokes. of course, got into a fuck load of shit for that but it was completely worth it. now my room looks like a maniac was let loose in it. wicked.
i never really liked the strokes.. is this it and room on fire were alright albums.. funky, indie whatever kinda albums. then i listened to heart in a cage. god guys you have to listen to that song. i bought their first impressions of the earth album yesterday and it is fucking good. nothing like a good album to put you in the right mood.

picture yourself in a boat on a river
with tangerine trees and marmalade skies
somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly
a girl with kaleidoscope eyes.

i didn't have enough money to get sgt pepper's lonely heart's club band yesterday, but i foud this picture of the beatles and damn, they crack me up. they're so odd.. completely way out. i love it. so lucy in the sky with diamonds is about lsd, but they make it sound so fucking good. gotta get my hands on some of that shit. i want tangerine trees and marmalade skies, goddamnit.

coz i like you,
yeah i like you,
and i'm feeling so bohemian like you.
yeah i like you,
yeah i like you,
and i feel.. Whoahoa whoo!

of course, the dandy warhols - just about the only bohemian rockers i know of, so i obviously i love them. i painted my lady with the fancy hat to their welcome to the monkey house album. fucking chilled shit i tell you. almost as good as a cigarette.

Cornered the boy, kicked out at the world...
The world kicked back a lot fucking harder now...

and of course, the libertines. i became a fan after can't stand me now. great song. so now i've got the album. i haven't checked it out yet, but rest assured i will. but i still stand by the fact that although a bit of a genius, pete doherty is fucking ugly and disgusting. if he cleaned up his act he would have so much more sex appeal. that twit.

nothing going on in my life at the moment.. i'm going out with nat at 3. whoo hoo rock on. i'm actually really excited. peace.

a girl with kaleidoscope eyes

2006-03-27T23:45:00.000+01:00

so i'm back home.

makes no difference to me, really.

i've been occupying my time by decorating my room and i have grand plans to paint the walls black with women wearing fancy hats. if i can get my hands on some glitter, that would be pretty hardcore.

two of my friends from the uk are coming next week and there are a couple of things i have to get done before then. i need to get first impressions of the earth by the strokes. mainly because that album has heart in a cage and i cannot get enough of that song. it's fucking brilliant i tell you. i was just listening to lucy in the sky with diamonds the other day, and the lyrics are incredible i tell you. fucking incredible. they paint the most gorgeous picture in your mind. go have a listen, fuckwits. you'll love it, i promise. ;)

i'm trying to get a job at hmv but those fucks refuse to reply me. god i could kill them. i really need the extra cash. something tells me my parents aren't gonna fund my lip piercing and my blonde hair extensions. haha i wonder if mcdonalds will hire me. imagine me smiling at little kids and asking them if they want the astronaut hello kitty or the cowboy one.. hang on. do mcdonalds still do hello kitties? hmm. go figure.

i really miss all my friends but i haven't been able to meet up with any of them. take a hint :) haha love you guys. and my dear cousin, i love you a lot too. poor child, stuck in a communist school. i just pray you don't end up with teeth as bad as chairman mao's. that's when i'll sever all ties with you.

people-of-the-moment

2006-02-12T09:53:00.000Z

don't mind me. i'm just compiling a little people-of-the-moment list. i tend to do that when i'm bored out of my wits.
the sex pistols. johnny rotten on lead vocals and the one and only sid vicious on the bass to the left.
i know it's random. but i found this picture of benji madden on the net and i thought he looked so awesome. i'm just going to keep this here.

malcolm mclaren. the punk mastermind behind the sex pistols. ex boyfriend of vivienne westwood and former owner of Sex, a sex shop.

love kills.

2006-02-11T19:07:00.000Z

There ain't no moonlight after midnight,
I see you silly people out looking for delight

live fast, die young.
kurt cobain wrote that punk rock is freedom.

Sid was a punk rock king
Nancy was a broken queen
Their lives were so glamorous
Sid and Nancy were a mess

'You were my little baby girl,
And I shared all your fears.
Such joy to hold you in my arms
and kiss away your tears.
But now you're gone, there's only pain
and nothing I can do.
And I don't want to live this life,
If I can't live for you.
To my beautiful baby girl.
Our love will never die... '

sometimes i can't express how i really feel by using my own words. i guess that's why i quote songs. i guess that's why music means so much to me. i use music as my voice.

i'm enthralled by the relationship sid vicious had with nancy spungen. i think everyone was and is. the ramones wrote a song about it and a movie was made of it. they shared an incredible, passionate, wild, extreme love which eventually led to their deaths, but like the suicide poem he wrote to her, their love was real.

that's what we are all looking for. real love. deny it if you feel it gives you a sense of independence, but we all need love. love gives you a reason to live. despite having everything, it was nothing to sid if he couldn't have nancy. he killed himself at the age of 21 to be with nancy.

as the ramones so cleverly put it, love kills.

who stole the soul from the sun, in a world come undone at the seams?

2006-01-18T18:22:00.000Z

The worlds as wide
As your life is thin

So entertain your goals
The sun will shine on you again

i'm seeing a whole other world in my mind

i'm breathing a love all the time

the world around us makes me feel so small

heaven help you catch me when I fall

i waited for a thousand years
for you to come and blow me out my mind.

I know you think you deserve an explanation on the meaning of life
But what you think that you heard slipped away at the back of your mind
You get your mucky fingers burnt
You get your truth or your lies you have learnt
And all your plastic believers they leave us and they won't return
Walk on
And when you look in the mirror and your tying all your buttons and bows
And as you face your disease you can squeeze into the emporer's clothes
You found your gun in a paperbag
You get your history from the union jack
And all your brothers and sisters have gone and they wont come back
Failed the life in the city
All the phonies that roam at night
When i've gone yeah you look like you missed me
So come along with me, don't ask why
It's alright

noel, noel, noel.

2006-01-18T18:02:00.000Z

noel. if you're listening, i fucking love you.

hey everyone. haha or i should actually say hey nat.. seeing as you're the only one who reads my blog.. but yeah it's about time i update my blog before it dies on me. which would be a great pity seeing as it's all cool and high-tech shit. so yes. my first entry since getting back to england. are you ready? let's go..

i'm missing singapore loads and everyone's just pissing me off loads. the only things i'm finding comfort are the newly peroxided tips of my hair and my cornrows. my ipod and my noel. oh what i wouldn't give to see him LIVE. in front of me. face to face. vis a vis. but no. the mighty smiter has decided to smite me. yep. i'm missing them. for the first and the last time they are coming to singapore on their don't believe the truth world tour and i'll be here. in england. the cruel, cruel irony. whatever. i'm used to being let down.

everything's just building up and driving me mad. absolutely insane. got caught smoking but got let off easy with a warning. cool. spent this afternoon chilling outside martian records. love that place. all these second hand classics going for so damn cheap. that's my idea of rock, yeah. i got sliver by nirvana which had studio and boom box versions of their ulimate shit come as you are, rape me and all the other fucking amazing shit. too bad i got that for chi as a present. shit her. i want it. so i consoled myself with the never mind the bollocks: here's the sex pistol's dvd with video cuts and interviews. that nearly made up for it.

i'm just so sick of everything and everyone around me. i've just been lying, stoning on my bed.. listening to oasis on loop to comfort myself. when i get sick of it, nirvana on loops for variety.. then it moves to suede, then to athlete, then to the vines. i need to get out of this trance. that's what i'm calling it. it's a fucking trance. i'm not being me. either that or i'm letting myself be me too much. whatever. this is all too fucking confusing. i need to puke. sorry this entry couldn'tbe more interesting. but you'd better appreciate it anyhow. yeah. whatever. bye.

Suddenly I found that I'd lost my way in this city
The streets and the thousands of colors all bleed into one
I fall down, heaven won't help me
I call out, no one would hear
All of a sudden I'd lost my way out of the city
Stand tall, stand proud
Every beginning is breaking it's promise
I'm having trouble just finding some soul in this town
The names on the faces in places they mean nothing to me
It's all they can do to be part of the queue in this town
I fall down, heaven won't help me
I call out, no one would hear
"There'll be no tomorrow" they say, well I say "More's the pity"
Stand tall, stand proud
Every beginning has broken it's promise
I'm having trouble just finding my soul in this town
Stand tall, stand proud
Every beginning has broken it's promise
I'm having trouble just finding my soul in this town
Finding my soul in this town
But I'll keep on trying...

hello, future me.

2006-01-01T16:44:00.000Z

right then. so i typed in a google search for my name because i was bored and i stumbled upon this website which had an essay i wrote back when i was 11.. check out this "if i were mayor" essay i wrote back then.. it's funny as hell. i never knew i was such a smartass geekazoid! it's crazy! i was just telling lez that i wish i wrote a letter back then to the future me talking about life and what i wanted to do with it and shit.. the present me would probably have laughed my ass off and torn the bloody letter up, yo! and thinking about it, mann i went through a bunch of wacky ass phases..

there was the geeky phase which lasted me forever: this was the phase where i attended all my tuition classes without fail and even managed to find the time to learn french with good ol' sarah. yeesh that was one heck of a sad phase. the glasses and the high belt and the prefect bolero. i could kill that little kid. then i went onto the rebellish teenage angst phase.. i was cutting myself and really into the whole self-harm shit with eminem constantly blasting in the background. the prefect's bolero was still there and so were the grades and shit but damn, mr ang pissed my ass off. it took a lot to not take out my prefect badge while he was talking and stab him the the eyes with the pin. that phase was probably taken to another level with me leaving school and shit.. i went punk with the hair and the ear piercings.. and then it sorta went all downhill from there. 9 ear piercings, 2 navel piercings, a would-be neck piercing and a tattoo on my hip, ass and ribs. 3 in total, yo.. eminem's old news.. i've moved on to bigger and better things. indie grunge rock. nirvana, the cribs, oasis, kings of leon, the strokes.. good charlotte and green day keeping my punkass spirit alive, yo. if you asked me to label each one of these phases, i don't think i could man.. i've always been straddling all these different emo people types. i guess that's what's weird about me.. i guess that's the bit that never really fit in anywhere.

but hey. screw them bitches who talk trash behind my back. i like me just the way i am. i'm keepin' it real, yo. would i give up any of the shit that happened in the past? even the geeka-freakazoid phase? haha.. i don't think so, man. life sucks, but damn, i love every bit of it.

once again, happy new year bitches.

XXrozXX

happy new year, yo!

2005-12-31T19:05:00.000Z

so i haven't blogged in ages. my bad. not like any of you missed me so don't pretend to care. yeah anyway, reading all of nat's entries gave me inspiration.. so here i am now, blogging on my acer laptop at 3.08am on the first day of 2006. happy new year everyone! yo. so loads has happened this christmas break and i've had a fabulous one, save for the one or two bad parties here and there but hey. 'sall cool. shit happens, yo.

i got a tattoo on my ribs the other day. it says ad astra which means to the stars in latin. lame shit, huh. well i know. so quit rubbing it in. i just like the pain. and trust me, there was pain. it hurt more that the tattoo on my ass bone and that's saying something man. i miss 2005. it was a great year.. did all my growing up in that one year, man. absolute madness. i love it!

so i'm not really making sense, but screw it. i'm in a bad mood. i should be out partying!! but no. i'm stone broke after the $10 i paid to get into janan's slightly screwed up party. it was fricking awesome to start off with, yo! maybe it's because i was high but screw that shit.. i was having a blast! then it got way too hot, we started sweating like human pigdogs and i guess it sorta went downhill from there. hey, i take back all the shit i said about quesh.. it was loads better than this one.. maybe it's because it was way too crowded this time round and those stupid tweenyboppers hogged the dance floor and still refused to dance. fuck that shit!

on a more serious and personal note, i'm back to smoking!! fuck it man!! i'm fucking pissed at myself!! i swore i would stop but man it's hard. i feel like shit after the cigarette high wears off. so i have another one. and another one. and another one.. you get the drift, yo. so all you people, don't smoke. for real, yo. my throat and lungs and fucked up.

i can't even count the number of parties i've been to this christmas season, but thanks to all my friends for making it so amazing! natt and her cupcakes are awesome! i love them! all of them! lyn, liz and kate!! XXX and i've met loads of people and shit.. it's all great. even recluse/loner/weirdo/freak -ish me has managed to make friends. how awesome is that. totally man. but i think it's time to wind down, chillax and just go back to spending time with myself. i miss myself a lot man.

thanks again to everyone for making my holiday so special.. i love you guys to bits, i wish you a very happy new year, and i'm sorry to sound cliche, but GOD BLESS.

XXXrozXXX

attica's over.

2005-12-18T08:03:00.000Z

hey punks! so attica's over and i couldn't be bothered to update so you guys can just take it that it was wicked fun and if you didn't go, sucks to you bitches! i have to thank lynette and nat for getting the tickets and shit.. you guys are da bomb. truly. then of course, there's the one and only sarah, who not only let us crash at her place that night but also called me this morning to tellme she had gotten me 3 cds from hmv!! i love that girl!! sarah, if you're reading this, i'm so your number one fan right now.
hey guys if you wanna be clued in as to what i want for xmas or as a belated birthday present (i know.. i'm being extremely presumptious but hey) then scoot on over to my wishlist.. i've updated it!! whoo hoo!! i haven't been doing much the past couple of days besides just chilling, watching movies and randomly exercising. do you know that you get a natural high from exercising? it's amazing. it's the endorphins. totally.
i can't wait for monday to come.. i'm actually getting excited about a 13+ party at chinablack. but it's gonna be fun. totally, yo. i'm gonna go eat some junk food now then work it off and get a high. i'm such a little adrenaline junkie.
peace out. a town. ;)
roz

infatuated again.

2005-12-13T23:41:00.000Z

yeah. you guessed right. i'm infatuated again. hence the weird behaviour. that aside, i'm in a pretty good mood. i've been up since 3.17am just eating and listening to 5 songs on repeat and shuffle, going strong for about 2 hours so far. at least they're good songs. i'm feeling fragile. nothing like good music to comfort me: creep by radiohead, river of sorrow by antony and the johnsons, mirror kissers by the cribs, i bet you look good on the dancefloor by the arctic monkeys and juicebox by the strokes. like i said. don't worry, it's all cool.
i watched the green mile last night and cried the nile a few times over. it is an absolutely amazing film. if you haven't watched it, hell you're missing out, twit. shoo! go watch it. you'll never look at life the same way again.. trust me.
nat: this one's for you - yay yay yay happy happy happy wheee partyyy!!
haha i told you i'm in a good mood =D
and lez: i can't wait for you to get back from spain or france.. wherever you are dude. haha peace out!
righty ho. starmovies is playing the distinguished gentleman now.. one of my all time faves. check you all later!

dying.. dying.. dead.

2005-12-13T11:59:00.000Z

so it's been ages since i've last written and i'm now back in singapore. there's attica on thursday night which is just about the only thing i'm looking forward to at the moment. nothing's going right and i feel like a man. the fact that a couple of lesbians think i'm a butch and have crushes on me is not exactly making me feel any better, yo. to top this all off eminem's come out to say he's finished with his whole rap career. he wants to spend time with hailie and yes, horror of horrors.. he wants to marry his ex-wife. whoever said that life wasn't fair was so right. eminem's gonna attempt to make a sad comeback when he's 40 and we're grown up with kids. he'll be fat and saggy, and our kids will just point and laugh at him. point and laugh. we'll be cranking him up on the stereo, going, 'shut up and listen brats. this man used to be a fucking legend.' and yeah. the kids will just laugh and turn it off. he can't do this to me!! noooooo!! can he not hear me cry?!?!
ok. that was a rhetorical question. i don't want an answer.
besides that shit, i'm out of cash and can't buy a couple of cds i'm really desperate for. i've stopped smoking so i'm finding it hard to relax and i'm jetlagged with a thumping headache. i've even watched 24 hour party people twice in a row.
i guess enough of all this complaining. i'm such a moaner. i apologise.
i'm gonna go try get creep by radiohead of the internet. completely craving for that song right now.
peace out.

updated blog.

2005-11-27T21:48:00.000Z

so i've abandoned my poor blog for ages and i've decided to make it up to my blog by updating it. aren't i thoughtful. so look around guys, and wander over to the wi$hlis+ bit if you're wondering what to get me for christmas or my birthday. no excuses now.
peace.

the pain junkie.

2005-11-26T17:45:00.000Z

NME, baby.

i am so addicted to pain. someone once said that there's no such thing as being addicted to something. it's just a question of having an addictive personality or not. so true. i'm sorry to say this, but i've got such an addictive personality. i'm addicted to fags. i'm addicted to music. i'm addicted to pain. oh and of course, peanut butter and jelly. i went to scaramouche with ellie and chi today.. pierced a second navel piercing. it's a ring and it looks really funny but hey. it was so awesome. it's that adrenaline rush you get before they jab the needle through your stomach that really gives me a high. see? i told you i'm psychotic. oh hang on. i didn't. yeah. well now you know. i'm a psycho, psycho bitch. stay away. after my violin exam, i think i'm gonna pierce my hand. haha that will be funny. chi introduced me to NME. it's so awesome. it even came with this fab cd with we are the scientists, the long blondes, dan sartain and so much more. 19 rocking tracks. i officially have a new favourite magazine which i rank alongside ID. yeahhh baby. right. i'm gonna go admire my newly acquired piercing.

the sicko has left the building.

peace.

under the influence.

2005-11-13T21:51:00.000Z

i know i've said this a million times before, but i'm totally serious this time round. i'm off cigarettes and i'm off binge drinking. i'm going to stop using my fucking fake id for evil deeds that just end up killing me slowly but surely. this is my resolution. i was going to go to the 2 pigs with hettie and emma over exeat this coming weekend but NO. at the rate i'm going i'll be dead by 20. now that would be a shame.. it would.. wouldn't it?

i'm in a real foul mood and all the boarding house staff know i smoke anyway i think. oh well. screw them. what can they do about it. expel me? ha. please don't tempt me to carry on doing what i do. so i went out today to get some stuff for a party pei, irene, chi and i were planning to have at st mag's over exeat, but we just ended up finishing all of it. thanks to me, practically my entire year in st mag's was pissed out of there minds and now we're dying of hangovers. 10 shots for me topped off with 5 fags straight in a row. give it up for roz, the queen of self abuse. i'm not proud of myself. i hang my head in shame. kill me now.

ok. i'm going to go take some pills and get to sleep. i've got school tomorrow. hate this place.

roz

you fuckhead.

2005-11-09T19:03:00.000Z

so this 'anonymous' punk ass comes along and tags my board saying (i quote here): F U C K you roz.. just F U C K you. right. ever heard of the saying? if you've got nothing nice to say then don't say it? well, 'anonymous', i don't know what the fuck's up your ass, but you sure as hell better do something about it or you're gonna die alone and friendless. ha. no difference, in your case.

in your face, bitch.

moving on. i think it's so funny how some people go around trying to find out what different sex positions, types of drugs or alcoholic cocktails there are.. just to sound really in-the-know. ha. what a joke. sorry, it just really gets on my nerves, that's all. listen losers, stop trying so hard. you're not cool and you never will be. so deal with it.

i'd really better start on my prep. i think i flunked my r. s. test. i didn't even bother studying for it anyway. so i guess i derverve what i get.

i've got to go, but i just wanna finish this entry off by saying: holler all you bitches and cunts out there - if you've got something to say, you say it to my face. don't go behind my back, you fuck. it's just gonna take you a step closer to meeting your maker. oh yeah. and in exchange, i promise you i'll tell you if i think you're a complete loserish fuck, alright? how's that for a fair exchange.. you fucking wimp.

peace.

roz

2005-11-06T10:19:00.000Z

hey all. whether you've missed me or not, i'm back. whee. nothing much has happened.. as usual.. i'm just spending the weekend with my parents and my sister in london. i must say, this is a great break from school. i've just about had enough of the place. so i've gotten into trouble again for random reasons and i've got a couple of teachers ragging on me, pissing me off 100% but hey. another day another destiny. they can suck my non existent balls after i'm done with screwing them over a few times.

that's what they're gonna look like after i'm done with their sorry asses. i know. pray for them.

i've got some disposable cameras and i've been taking loads of pictures. i much prefer them to digital cameras. why waste your money on a digital camera just so you can upload sad pictures of yourself on the internet so guys pop by and say "hi. you're hot." or girls too, for that matter.. for girls to pop by a guy's hi5 account and go "hey sexy." dude. do you need such validation to make yourself feel better about yourself? that was a rhetorical question. i don't want to know the answer, ego maniac.

yeah but other than that things've been going good.. my birthday's less than a month away now.. we're getting there slowly but surely.. and i'll be back in singapore in a month, now. holler. i have absolutely nothing else to blog about, except for maybe the fact that i've got three tests and about five undone preps that i don't plan to do and haven't done anything about.

pray for me too.

peace out dudes.

roz.

it's official. i'm pretty fucked up.

2005-11-02T17:45:00.000Z

hey all. it's been 3 days into the first week of this half of the autumn term and already i'm dying. this is truly a record. it usually takes about 2 weeks? yeah. but i hit jackpot. the past few nights i've been going to bed at 9pm thanks to hyland's homeopathic non-habit forming symptomatic training for relief of simple nervous tension. aka sleeping pills. holler dudes.

caz was such a bitch. she knew i was desperate for a fag so sold me two.. at 2 quid each. like what the hell? i won't even pay that much for a joint what more for a crappy fag. but i gave in. bloody asshole. i'll get her one of these days. i'm grateful she was willing to sell them at least i guess.. so i'm really in no position to throw a fuss. then i went to queen's and bought myself a pack. of 20. for 4.17 quid. you do the maths.

new year's resolution: stop fucking smoking.

thank god it's still november.

anyway other than that life's all dandy. it's cold. and it's raining outside. i'm stuck in my little hole of a room. everything's a complete mess. everything stinks of stale tobacco. i miss livi who's still ill. i'm blasting the super furry animals. generally, it's all depressing. as usual. i think i'm gonna change my template. oh yeah, and dudes take note: new email - buttermybuns@hotmail.co.uk so if i send a request to add you to my msn messenger account, i'm not buttermybuns is not a creepy paedophile or homicidal maniac. it is just me. roz. awesome.

ok. so that's all from me now. i hope you all had a smashing halloween.

peace out punks.

2005-10-27T13:54:00.000+01:00

hey punks. i think it's about time i updated this sad ass blog of mine. so i'm back in singapore for a week and a couple of days have gone now, but no biggie. i'm having a fabulous time with my very cool friends. i've spent the last few days sort of chilling with lez and yiwei at lez's place.. but today was a change. i went out with sarah and bought $100 worth of presents for people i don't even like. i think i'm such a nice person. i've got a new shopping haven: far east plaza. believe it or not, them suckers have some awesome shit. look beyond the skanky mini denim skirts, garish jap imitation tops and ho-like lingerie, and you will find the cool stuff. that's right dudes. far east. peace.

righto. so yeah i explored far east with good ol' sarah who put up with all my indecisiveness when it came to choosing presents and shit. props to you for that sarah! haha we da pimps, dawg! then yiwei joined us after a gruelling(?) day at work and we went to clarissa's house. sighh.. gotta love that bimbo ;)

that's pretty much my awesome week in a nutshell.. good to see all you guys again.. and nat! we still have yet to meet up dude! and you too miss tiff! haha nick's coming back tomorrow.. that should be fun.. don't you think so, lez o.O ;>

half term!!

2005-10-17T09:17:00.000+01:00

god, you guys are all so hard to please. first sarah didn't want to be the sucker and now yiwei doesn't want to be a yoyo. honestly, you guys. deal with it! haha so i'm coming back on 4 days and i cannot wait. it'll be so good to take a break from assholesville for about 10 days.. it's 10 days right? haha nowadays i don't even know when i'm flying home or flying here. it's too confusing for me. i watched roger & me the other day. it was absolutely hilarious. yeah so nothing much else has happened in my extremely boring life. teachers giving me sh*t as usual, but i'm pretty used to it. after sometime you just ignore them and they'll give up. that's what i've learnt. i've had about 20 of my earrings confiscated now. miss liv could start a jewellery shop with them and make a fortune, i'll bet. despite all this, you're never going to believe this : i've got 4 tidiness stickers!! i am truly a tidy girl! *snigger* haha most of the time i just trick teachers into giving them to me.. but either way. we're on our way to t.g.i's aren't we, irene and pei? hahaha wheeeee
so i'd better run before mr watson spazzes on me. i'm doing this all illegally in my IT lesson.
i know.
rebel.

hello my darlings.

2005-10-06T18:23:00.000+01:00

hello my darlings! i am back with a new entry! ooh yeah, and sarah: i've changed it!! happy?! =) you're sarah the sexy now. i say sarah the sucker is better, though. i've got nothing much to say, really, apart from the fact that i'm coming back in 2 weeks! awesome, huh. i've dyed my hair black again, and i'm gonna wait a bit before i go on to blue ;) blue hair!! i can't wait!! i haven't had black hair in ages.. it looks.. weird. but 'sall cool. haha righty ho.. till something exciting happens, i'll see you all around!
ciao ciao!
roz

i'm back.

2005-10-03T19:06:00.000+01:00

hey dudes. i'm back. it's 18.50 right now and i'm freezing my ass off in this small little hole of a cub i have. i am in a very bad mood because my hair colour sucks shit and i've had a very, very, very bad day. i'm not going into details, but trust me when i say it was bad. my lessons are getting more and more boring, the teachers are just one by one crushing my love for the subjects i'm doing and my scissors have gone totally blunt thanks to all the cutting i've been doing. see? i told you it's bad. but just when it couldn't get any worse, i've just realised i don't have enough butterflies to cover the ceiling of my cub. how stupid is that. just kill me now. nothing's going right.

listen, before you think i'm a looney who gets upset by the littlest of things, don't forget: 3 of my earholes are infected, my navel piercing's pussing, and i've been coughing like a mad person the past few days. bloody annoying.

wow. a nice little multi-coloured entry for you guys to enjoy.. so enjoy : )
roz

one more time with feeling.

2005-10-03T11:22:00.000+01:00

right. so i finally created the perfect blog and my parents somehow get access to it. so yeah. here i am with a totally new blog.. don't forget to link me and do whatever shit.. don't have much time now, but i will write more later today. chopped more of my hair off today. i look like a boy who just doesn't give a fuck. i love it.

i'll see you guys around.
ciao
roz